Depressed

“Hello, This is your Captain, Depression, speaking.”

 

I don’t just struggle with depression… I get my ass kicked by it. ┬áPeople who interact with me from day to day hardly notice. Most people who know me tend to say, “I can’t tell you even have depression.”

Oh, you can’t tell.

Probably because it took me 6 hours to talk myself into getting dressed and taking the dog to the vet. Because that is normal and all.

My sheer willpower is amazing. I really do WILL myself through a lot of my struggle. It makes me extra emotionally fatigued.

—————— I wish I had an answer.

Meds? PFT. WTF.

I have some complicated medical problems that make meds difficult to manage and regulate.

Yoga. Tried it

Diet. HUNDREDS

Exercise. ALL the damn time

Cry. You bet.

Therapist. Saw so many, I decided to become one.

Prayer. Mmhmm

God. Tried Him, he built churches full of douchey people and they make depression worse. He needs to troubleshoot the system.

Sun lamp. boooooring

Holistic. NOT ENOUGH WHEATGRASS IN THE WORLD, y’all.

 

PTSD is part of the depressive diagnosis I have. Days run together feeling as though they will never end. I want to get better. I wish I had a WEEK, just a week, where I didn’t feel so….

meh.

Writing helps.

But then people think you aren’t capable, that you are an unreliable mess. Then you feel the need to hide.

This month has been rough.

Tomorrow I am going to try and get up, brush my hair, and get dressed for the day.

 

Depression is a liar, y’all.

 

Maybe I should try electro-shock therapy.

9 Comments

  1. I feel you girl. I haven’t tried as much as you but I know that is how my outcome would be so I don’t bother. That’s part of it too, right?

    Reply

  2. Ugh. I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough month! I know I don’t have any magic words or cure, but I want to say I’m here. You are not alone!!! I hear you! Hugs to you, Jazz.

    Reply

    1. Thanks mystery rainbowfemme person

      Reply

  3. There are many days when I wish I could TASER myself. Just for a little reset.

    A few weeks ago I was a mess. The past week or so I’m good. But I know it will be back, because it always does and beats the crap out of me.

    So, I know the feeling. It sucks. I’m sorry.

    Big hugs.

    Reply

    1. I’ve actually considered the electro shock therapy, seriously.

      Reply

      1. My mom had electro shock therapy when I was a kid. It was…. interesting.

        Reply

        1. What happened?

          Reply

  4. This is so me, but I isolate and shut down. I’m working on me. Thanks for being so transparent

    Reply

    1. hang in there.

      Reply

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