It took me a long time to feel okay about being alone. I struggle with depression and PTSD. My anxiety would build and I’d look for things to fill the empty space. “Stay busy” was the motto.
Until one day I tried meditating
It was so hard. I hated being left with all my racing thoughts. I’d try to clear my mind then I’d get distracted with thoughts of how I was failing at clearing my mind.
Being alone can be hard, so I kept practicing. I took myself to the movies. I learned to love being alone in obscurity. Sitting in a dark room lost in the plot on the screen. Then I learned to enjoy dinner by myself. I took slow bites, tasted my food, and made memories of the aromas.
I kept practicing being alone.
Until one day being alone wasn’t so hard anymore.
These days being alone is a gift to me. I spend time by myself. I practice being present and still with myself. I no longer feel the intense anxiety well up and the reflex to “find something to do”.
It’s the opposite for me; I’m trying to get used to being with people again.
That is rough, friend. Hang in there!