My Uterus Is Trying To Kill Me

I am laying in bed. Well, technically, I am  sitting up because I can’t type laying down without my boobs trying to cut off my air supply.


I arrived home from AWBU with a prompt case of ” You are dying from an unknown something”.

Don’t laugh. I am not a hypochondriac.

I didn’t feel very well at AWBU and I knew I needed to go see a doctor. My uterus was painin’ me and I knew I needed A LADY doctor STAT.

The last time I felt this horrid I was rushed into surgery and two doctors drilled holes into my ovaries to keep them from exploding. YES! Exploding. My ovaries are all, “go big or go home, y’all.” (yes. I have Southern ovaries… I hear people with West Coast ovaries are super chill and enjoy avocado smoothies)

I have PCOS. Polycstic Ovarian Syndrome, if you’re nasty. PCOS is an evil bitch that makes my life hard, conception confusing, menses non-existent, carb cravings constant, and hormones chronically unstable. For the last two weeks I have had constant hormone headaches, a lower back ache that feels like I am carrying a baby, uterine cramping, and a 99.8 degree fever.

My beloved OB/GYN who has managed my health issues with me since I moved to Arkansas got tired of Arkansas and hightailed it back to California, so I had to schedule an appointment with his predecessor. I was not very happy about this since:

1) I am considered a very rare medical case and some doctors just think I am crazy

2) All the new doctors usually are all, “hey… stop  being fat and that will fix everything (which isn’t true AT ALL) or

3) HOLY HELL you are super interesting lets run all these tests on you you’ve had done over and over your whole life only to get the results you told us we would get!

So I made my appointment reluctantly with the new OB/GYN, arrived at my scheduled time, took my pants off, and had an hour long conversation with a total stranger whilest pant-less. Dr. Thompson was super awesome! He looked at me from the corner of his eye first and asked me questions like, “Jasmine… you don’t have a period- yet you had children.” “Mmhmmm…” I answered. I was tempted to tell him I went to a church and danced with snakes and through my faith healing the venom helped me conceive, but I was in too much pain to be THAT funny. “Yep. Three kids,” I answered and continued,  “No period. Anovulation since age 12 Laparoscopy drilled right ovary with cauterization.  High levels of estrogen, low levels of progesterone, high levels of DHT, stable blood sugar- clean Hemo A1C, low blood pressure, typical gestational size of newborns birthed, hirsutism, excellent cardio health, excellent thyroid, chronic depression perpetuated by low B vitamins and vitamin D deficiency, and no cholesterol issues.”  Dr. Thompson was puzzled, as I assumed he would be.

So we took a urine and blood pregnancy test. Negative

So we checked for infection. Negative

Then Dr. Thompson did the whole check out my uterus with your hands and a quick looky lou of the cervix.

“Bad news, Jasmine.”

I scowled.

“Looks like you need to come back in for a pelvic ultrasound. We need to start thinking about ways to get you to menstruate or we risk cancer (again). The tenderness in your uterus and the pain are most likely caused by lack of menstruation and/or fibroids. I am suspecting endometriosis as well. We need to check out your ovaries too because they are unusually swollen, and I imagine painful. Until we can do surgery I can prescribe a muscle relaxer and some meds to make you menstruate for 10 days or so.”

So I am laying in bed with a uterus that hates me. I am extra emotional (read: hormonal) and I am facing the very real prospect of surgery. I schlepped myself out of bed yesterday to go run at the gym for the sake of my mental health… but I am feeling very puny.

I need a massage, a pound of chocolate, and a new uterus.





  1. Ugh…hate to hear that, Jas. Thinking of you and hope the doc can come up with a good solution for you.

    • Thanks Brad! In the words of Oprah, “my va jay jay is painin’”

  2. I’m also dealing with PCOS (long story usually follows my announcement of this about how my mom thought I had this when I was 15, but my doc disagreed only to discover when I was 30 that I did in fact have this). I go to an endocrinologist in Rogers at Mercy (Dr. Maas). I love that he looks at it like a medical condition, not a female, overweight, tired all the time, cranky problem. He did say if I could get my weight down, they might be able to kick my endocrine system into doing the right thing, but we’ll see. I’ve been at the proper weight during my time since I was 15 and still dealt with the symptoms, so I’m not holding out hope. All this to say, have they tried hormone treatments (or even just birth control pills) to get your cycles more regular? That’s what I’m doing, sure it’s extra hormones in my system, but everything works like it’s supposed to so I don’t complain.

    • I have lost weight over the years and my PCOS hasn’t changed… I have had since I was about 9. I can’t take hormonal birth control because I am high risk for cancer and it causes severe emotional disturbance. I run, zumba, and exercise daily. I need to get my sugar craving/carb indulgence under control- but other than that, I have done everything. It just sucks.

    • I feel your pain! Literally. My OB/GYN could not get me in with an Endocrinologist here quick enough (10 years later, still can’t!) – including Dr. Maas, who I have heard is wonderful.
      I started seeing Dr Prough in Tulsa. Bad bedside manner, but the man is wonderful in my book. Mostly because I could not have kids. Now I am blessed with two.
      My weight topped at 280 at the beginning of 2011. I worked with DR’s and went on one heck of a diet and now weight 150lbs. Have been here for almost a year now.
      However, no, this has NOT stopped the pain. I do get the monthly “visit” which I am told does not mean much of anything. AND I would be happy to not to, especially after this past month. Then I also take high level of estrogen birth control pills.
      I always know when my ovaries are junky – they hurt like hell. I am always right, so much so that I just call the DR’s office and they call me in RX’s now. UGH. I have asked about total removal of all things lady like – and if it would help. I got the story of the chicken and egg and not sure if it would matter or not.
      I am seriously SHOCKED at how many women I know or know of that have PCOS! Especially since it is suppose to be this “rare” thing that only effects 10% of the population or some stat as such!
      I am sorry you are hurting. My thoughts are with you that it all calms naturally and nothing crazy drastic is needed in the end. One can hope for ya!

      • Whao dude! I was first diagnosed by Dr. Jelly- and endocrinologist from Tulsa. He was amazeballs… but I am not for driving to Tulsa that frequently.

  3. I love your approach to a crappy situation: honest humor. My uterus hurt just reading this- take care of YOU! and man oh man, try to stay sane through it all.

    • Thanks! Isn’t like when the lady plumbing isn’t functioning correctly, EVERYTHING sucks.

  4. We ladies should be given a gold metal in life for dealing with stuff like this!

    • For realsies! WHY does the whole world suck when my uterus hurts. GAH!

  5. How did you know? Mine is super chill and enjoys avocado smoothies – hell it even surfs through the waves of PMS, dude! I guess feel better is a pretty lame thing to say and as one with majorly thick vaginal walls that cause amazing amounts of blood and tissue – the whole period thing is overrated. Probably good for you, but not fun.

  6. I’m so sorry you don’t feel well. I hope laughing at my occasional ignorance of certain social issues doesn’t make you hurt more than you already do.

    • Haha! Nope! Not at all. It is cool! We all have a long way to go with helping each other out, that is for sure!

  7. Oh sweetie!! :( I’m so glad you aren’t preggers, but I so hate that it’s this shit instead. My uterus has always been fairly chill, so perhaps I was supposed to be born to some hippies in CA. Stupid stork.

    • I hear New Yorkers have highly sarcastic ovaries the prefer the color black…

  8. Sorry to hear that. I can try to work out a crotch transplant with this doctor I know. Well, he’s not actually a doctor per se. More like an organ trafficker. He’s got lots of crotches.

    • My crotch is okay… well… minus the fact that it needs some attention (Interpret that however you like)… but if you know a man with some extra non-cantalope sized ovaries in his inventory, then I am down.

  9. I’m not on the best of terms with my uterus, but we haven’t quite reached this level. It gets placated with hormones, and I get snarky and weepy at inappropriate times. Wishing you and your lady parts peace.

  10. Ugh. PCOS is the opposite of cool. I’m sorry you’ve had to suffer like you have. I send you tree-hugging hippie freak, patchouli stinking, avocado smoothie drinking, healing energy and shit, man. :)

    Vaginas and beyond all deserve good vibes…literally and figuratively.

    • I adore your email address Melissa… and somehow it didn’t surprise me.

  11. You’re a brave woman and a talented writer. Sucks that this is your material, but you present it well. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get my chill West Coast ovaries some avocado.

    • Lela! Tell the truth… your Seattle ovaries still totally dig overcast days and coffee shops!

  12. New England ovaries tend to have short, intense flare ups whereby the owners always just hunker by the fire in flannel and boots with alcohol and wait until the storm is over. But at least in New England, everyone expects you to be bitchy since everyone knows we’re all jerks.

    I was “almost” diagnosed with PCOS about 7 years ago – they tested me like crazy for it since I was (and still am) having trouble losing weight, but I’m “blessed” with regular menses (fabulous word). It was scary to think of. Hoping you’re feeling better and find some solutions soon!

  13. Hi, I dont know you but I love what you’ve put out there. I’m having uterine problems as well. And I only seem to get blown off by the docs.I dont even have the strength to say what retarded things they have told me. And yes, “Loose some weight” was one. I lost 61 lbs in 6 months. I hast done Sh*t” Havn’t found the reason yet. My next appointment is in a few days. Where im either going to hold them by the ear till they give me an answer or cry pleading on the floor. We will see what the day brings. Thanks again for the post, you sound like a chick after my own heart ;-)

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